Lieutenant Kitty had observed that the humans often didn't seem to notice Vangeline. Especially when not being noticed was to Vangeline’s advantage. Kitty didn't find this too surprising, Humans, in her experience, had trouble noticing a lot of things, even things that were directly under their noses. Then again, they had a terrible sense of smell and their eyes weren't much better, so no surprise there.
Humans were strange creatures for sure, and among the animal crew members of the Lady Jezebel, Lieutenant Kitty was considered the local expert on their behavior. DirtyBird the parrot could speak like a human, Blundermonkey could act like one, GoodBoy had eaten a few in his time, but no one understood them like Kitty.
Which is how she knew that Ricmo was probably going to be upset that Vangeline was in the process of stowing away on the longboat headed for Skull River Bay.
She'd overheard a conversation between the two of them the previous afternoon.
"But Ricmo, everyone ELSE is getting shore leave. Why can't I? I've never actually been to a real town before." pouted Vangeline. "One that has actual living people in it at least" she amended quickly.
"I know Vangeline, but that place is dangerous." argued Ricmo. "It's filled with not nice people; pirates, and murderers and pirates and thieves and pirates and kidnappers and pirates." pointed out Ricmo. "Did I mention the pirates? Not the kind of folk an eight year old girl needs to be associating herself with, even one as precocious and, uh, talented as you are."
"Technically we're pirates now" pointed out Vangeline with the inescapable logic of the eight year old. "Dakhir was moaning about it the whole way back to town, after we took that galleon. And I associated with us every day"
"Yes" replied Ricmo thoroughly out maneuvered and wildly grasping at straws "but we're the nice kind. The kind that doesn't murder and pillage. Much. And only when absolutely required."
Vangeline fixed him with a dubious eye. And, as so many parents before him, when backed into a corner, Ricmo fell back on authority.
"You aren't going and that's final! At least not right now. Let old Ricmo deal with some captain's business first and then I'll take you to town I promise, give you a full tour." Ricmo considered briefly the ratio of brothels to every other building in Skull River Bay. "An almost full tour. Promise." He fixed Vangeline with his most winning smile. She was not won.
The adults clearly couldn't see her in the longboat. Kitty found that odd. Every crewman on the Lady Jezebel knew Vangeline, most of them doted on her, and yet none of them seemed at all aware of her as she crouched in the corner of the boat. Even humans weren't that dense. Then again, Vangeline was odd, even for a human.
For one thing, she could clearly see, and regularly played with, all the ghosts and spirits that made up the normally unseen portion of the crew of the ship. Even the other animals generally couldn't see those. Kitty, being a cat, could of course. She licked her paw with a satisfied air. Just one of the many ways cats were superior. Kitty was also aware that Vangeline had a pretty strange upbringing ("raised by insane spirits on an isle peopled solely by ghosts" had been the way Whisperleaf had once described it).
Vangeline's special upbringing and abilities notwithstanding, Kitty firmly agreed with Ricmo that the town of Skull River Bay was not a place for an unattended kitten. Kitty had seen her share of pirate ports in her long and illustrious career as the senior living crewman on the Lady Jezebel, and they could be hard places. Vangeline had no idea how to navigate them.
Of course Ricmo had already gone to town last night, as had the rest of the adventurers. Kitty could attempt to warn some random member of the crew, but the longboat was leaving any minute now, there wasn't much time. Also, Kitty sympathized with Vangeline's desire to get some dry land under her paws. Much as she enjoyed sailing, it had been a great while since their last port of call, she was feeling the lack of R&R herself.
As Kitty mulled over her options, the tropical breeze carried the scent of grilled fish to her from the nearby town. Her mouth watered. That decided it. She could keep tabs on the little girl herself, and enjoy some carousing ashore while she did it. She was perfectly capable. Still, it wouldn't hurt to bring some muscle along, just in case. Some of those bars you needed a friend or two watching your back.
"DirtyBird, Blundermonkey, GoodBoy, mount up! We're going to town!" she sang out in the pigeon dialectic the animals had developed to communicate with one another.
"AAARK FUCKYEA!" sang out Dirtybird. "POLLY WANTS A MUG O' ALE AND FOOKIN' CRACKER"
"OOOOK" agreed Blundermonkey.
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The crew of the longboat had taken in stride the last minute addition of a parrot, a black cat, what appeared to be a terrier and a monkey wearing a coat and bicorn hat. The animals were well known to the crew, what was also well known was they were intelligent, and probably magical. In general they were considered good luck, provided you weren't gambling with Blundermonkey. So, when they suddenly demonstrated their intention to come along by leaping into the departing longboat, they were greeted with a lusty "Huzzah".
The longboat docked on Drunkard's Pier, the traditional debarkation for a pirate crew looking for a good time. Drunkard's Pier provided access to the stretch of sandy beach and permanent party called "Drunkards' Beach" which more then lived up to it's name.
Drunkards' Beach and the set of low buildings ringing it were run by the pirate queen known as "Sally Brown" Sally offered what she called "a full service establishment". Full service meant ale, beer, wine, ganja, dancing, music, gambling, and "men and women of negotiable affection" as Sally termed it. All of which was evidentially quite fascinating to Vangeline as she gazed at the revelry.
"This is....awesome" Vangeline said delightedly.
Kitty agreed. Not because of the ale, beer, wine, ganja, gambling, or "men and women of negotiable affection". However, Sally always said she had something for everyone, and what she had for Kitty was... FISH.
Blundermonkey saw the fish and looked worried. He turned to Kitty.
"Ooook" he said firmly, which translated as "you know the humans get pissy if you take their food"
Kitty sat very still her eyes never leaving the fish, only the tip of her tail swishing gently as she contemplated.
"OOOOOKKK" Blundermonkey admonished.
"It's perfectly ok, Blundermonkey." said Kitty dreamily. "Just take the girl, the dog and the bird a little way down the street will you? Yon fishmonger and I have some business to conduct and I'd hate for the rest of you to be caught in the crossfire."
"OOOK?" said Blundermonkey.
"Indeed, indeed well under control" said Kitty, her eyes locked on a certain grilled trout.
"OOK." said Blundermonkey firmly.
"Yes, yes, no killing, I agree. Run along now, I will catch up directly."
Blundermonkey sighed, reached up, straitened his hat and marched up the beach toward the street, gesturing for his companions to follow. Vangeline was already well away from the surf, intently watching a poker game.
"Helllo deary, just back from the sea, looking for some company are ya...hey waits a minute you ain't a halfling ye some kinda monkey!"
"Oook" said Blundermonkey wearily, walking around the drunken and confused woman and continuing to the street.
"Monkey's be extra!" announced the woman to his back. Blundermonkey ignored her.
Behind him he heard the fishmonger's surprised yell followed by the crash of the fishstand toppling over. "Come back 'er with dat fish ya bastard cat!" the fishmonger screamed. More yowling and screaming, this time from above his head indicated Kitty had scaled the wall and was making her way through the private rooms of the second floor. Blundermonkey resolutely didn't look as the sounds quickly faded away into the distance as Kitty had good her escape.
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GoodBoy was thoroughly enjoying himself as the pack strolled down The Rumballa, the main street of the town. Admittedly his two favorite people (Merus and Whisperleaf) were not here, and that made him sad. But he was with Vangeline who was his third favorite person, and he was running with his pack, and the smells in this town were amazing.
GoodBoy had been in towns before, back when he was a Warg and ran with the Goblins of the Grinning Skull. He had fond memories of the goblin camp, but that had been pretty small and he had learned all the smells there pretty fast. He had visited some human towns with the Grinning Skulls but those had mostly been burnt down before he had a chance to properly experience them.
And once the Skulls had been wiped out (sad memory, a little howl escaped his lips) he had spent a long long time chained in that horrible underground place with virtually no smells at all. Until Merus had rescued him (happy yelp). But now he had a new pack to run with, he'd learned lots of new tricks (like changing his size and appearance) and he was loose in a fascinating human town that wasn't on fire and OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT INCREDIBLE SMELL!!!!
GoodBoy stopped in his tracks and faced the butchers stall. His nose went into overdrive. Pools of drool formed on the street below him.
"OOOK" announced Blundermonkey.
"Oh shit" said Lieutenant Kitty. "Now, calm down GoodBoy lets talk about this, lets think this through. I'm sure we can get you some of those sausages but we need a plannnn oh crap there he goes"
With a joyful barking GoodBoy sprang into combat.
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"ARRRK YOU DUMBFUCKINGCOCKSUCKINGMAGGOTYPIECEOFSHIT" announced DirtyBird.
"Indeed" said Kitty. "Did we lose them you think?"
"OOK" announced Blundermonkey.
"Thank God" said Kitty. "I thought we never would. That dwarf butcher and those guardsmen were persistent"
"You are a bad doggy" scolded Vangeline. "I would have bought you those sausages"
GoodBoy groveled low, tail drooping.
"But instead you broke that man's stall. And you bit him!"
"RIGHTONTHEASS-RIGHTONTHEASS" announced DirtyBird.
"Be quiet you." said Vangeline sternly to the parrot. "This is serious. Those men said they would kill GoodBoy and eat him"
GoodBoy, hearing this, concentrated for a moment. His dog body morphed and shifted. Where before had been a brown terrier now sat a white and black spaniel.
"Good idea" said Vangeline. "But you are still a BAD DOG".
GoodBoy whined and licked Vangeline's hand
"And you, you stupid bird, you pooped all over my new dress!" Vangeline announced in an anguished tone.
"SHITONTHELOTTA'YA" agreed DirtyBird cheerily. "CRAPONYERHEAD"
"Well that shit storm did distract them and allow our escape" said Lieutenant Kitty. "So all, in all, acceptable casualties"
"FUCK'EM'ALL WITHTHEYARDARM" announced DirtyBird, hopping from one foot to the other excitedly.
"Fine. I can see you’re sorry. Don't do it again." announced Vangeline. Kitty purred and twined between her legs, and was rewarded with a head scratch.
"I want you all to know that if you want something just tell me. I have some money." said Vangeline gravely to the assembled animals. They all nodded.
"So I guess we keep exploring." said Vangeline determinedly. "It'll take more then some parrot poop to make me turn back."
"BOTTLE'A RUM AND TAKE NO PRISONERS" announced DirtyBird. "RAISE THE COLORS. FUCK'EMALL"
"Indeed" said Kitty.
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"OOK" said BlunderMonkey eyeing the fruit stand longingly. Stealthily he reached into his jacket and drew out his blunderbuss.
"No killing" chided Kitty.
"OOK" agreed Blundermonkey.
"No maiming either"
"OOK?" said Blundermonkey.
"Remember, Vangeline said she had money."
BlunderMonkey looked offended. He radiated that a proper pirate didn't BUY things, he pillaged them.
"GIVEMESOMEOFTHATSWEETMELLONYATART" announced DirtyBird to Vangeline
"What"
"YERLOOKINLUSCIOUSANDJUICYMEBEAUTY" he replied
"what? oh, you want an orange?"
"HELLYESYADUMBBROAD" replied DirtyBird.
"Be polite then or you get nothing. Excuse me sir how much for an orange?"
The stall vendor considered the small girl, fresh off a boat no doubt, and named a price far too high.
"AAAARK" quacked DirtyBird as Vangeline (who had never actually used money to buy anything in her life) considered the offer. "YOUFUCKINGSHYSTER I'LLSHITONYORNECKBEFOREIPAYTHAT" the parrot announced.
"Too much" said Vangeline. "My bird says that's too much".
"Your bird says? What does a bird know?"
"MORETHENYOUYACOCKSUCKER" replied DirtyBird. "EXCEPT'FERABOUTCOCKSUCKING" he added.
The merchant looked taken aback.
"That's quite a bird, It's almost like it knows what it's saying?" he remarked quizzically.
"RIP'YERHEADOFFANDI"LLSKULLFUCKYERCORPSE" DirtyBird announced.
"Huh." said the merchant.
GoodBoy fixed the merchant with a steely glare and growled, low in his throat.
Blundermonkey over in the corner whistled a little tune to draw attention to himself. When the merchant turned to look at him, he put his right hand under his too-large coat and there was the unmistakable "click" of a hammer being drawn back. He winked.
The merchant had had enough.
"That'll be two copper miss" he amended hastily.
"THATSMORELIKEIT YA SYPHILUS RIDDENWHORESON" announced DirtyBird approvingly.
Vangeline paid for the orange and tossed it to BlunderMonkey. And the pack continued on their way.
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"Now, see wasn't that easier" said Kitty
"OOK" said Blundermonkey sullenly.
"Not everything has to be carnage you know"
"OHMYGOD HEHAS'SMILEDUPONME" screeched DirtyBird at the top of his lungs.
"OOK?"
"Nut Vendor." said Kitty. "Crap, salted almonds, those are his favorite. Get ready to hoof it."
DirtyBird attacked without hesitation or remorse. While Kitty could come up with a cunning plan, GoodBoy's charge could hit like a rhino, and BlunderMonkey was rumored to have killed 22 men, many in single combat, none of them came close to the pure, unfettered, unfiltered bloody minded aggression that was DirtyBird. He was all in. He was 100% committed to hate. He put steppe barbarians or 5th generation Norse berserkers to shame. See, Want, Attack. Rage.
"My almonds!" the vendor cried as the parrot executed a perfect dive bomb attack on the stall. "You filthy, vile creature"
DirtyBird had all the nuts he needed in his first pass. He could have just kept flying. He had what he wanted. It was pure bloody minded hate that made him turn in mid air and return for the unfortunate nut vendors eyes.
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DirtyBird chuckled from his perch on GoodBoy's back while he ate the nut with a bloody claw.
"You are one deranged bird" said Kitty gravely.
"FUCK'EMALLISAY" agreed DirtyBird.
The group had reached the center of town, Cathedral Square. Grand buildings ringed the cobblestone square, thronged with people going about their business, priests, entertainers, and the ever present beggars.
"OOK" announced BlunderMonkey urgently, gesturing to where Vangeline had struck up a conversation with an old lady.
The lady looked...strange to Kitty. There was something otherworldly about her. Tall, sallow, a deck of brightly illustrated cards shuffled back and forth between her hands in a dizzying pattern of legerdemain. The cards also looked off. Eldritch. Kitty could feel her hackles rise. Something was wrong here.
"Watch out for the old women" she hissed to her friends. "Something wrong about her". Kitty moved closer so she could hear over the din of the busy square.
"The cards tell yer future my little lady."
"Do they actually though?" asked Vangeline gravely.
"Aye. In the hands of one such as me and especially for a shadow touched one such as ye, they tell truly. Would ye like a reading?"
Kitty gave a hiss at the old woman, which they both ignored.
"Yes" said Vangeline
The old woman hopped lithely off the barrel on which she had been sitting and spread a red cloth over it. She laid the deck of cards on the cloth and made Vangeline cut the deck.
"They feel cold" Vangeline announced.
"The first card shows what ye seek" she said, and she flipped over a card. "Tis The Tower. But. Strange. This picture don't look like The Tower at'tal. Looks like a black skull."
"The next card shows them that would oppose ye. The Devil. But. Tis Strange. This picture don't look like The Devil at'tal. Looks like a man in a fancy yellow suit."
"The last card is them that would aid ye. The Hanged Man. But. Tis Strange. This picture it has the face of Fiddlesticks Joe."
The old woman sat back a perplexed look on her face.
"Fiddlesticks Joe?" asked Vangeline.
"Aye, he be a lad over in the Bayou. Some say he died last winter. Some say Pappa Carrefour brought him back. "
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