The Cutting Out of the Lady Jezebel

 

"What do you mean he thinks your Skulk?" says Ricmo incredulously.

"Absolutely convinced of it actually. Firebeard said that this is the second time Skulk allowed him to think he escaped, that he didn't fall for it then and isn't going to fall for it now." replied Whisperleaf.

"That's highly paranoid" said Dakhir, sounding impressed.

"Well Firebeard has been Skulk's prisoner for three months now, and Skulk's brain does redefine devious" Ricmo observed. "Bound to make you a little paranoid".

"OooookOkkkakaChigaOok" interjected Blundermonkey.

"What's he saying?" Ricmo asked Whisperleaf. "Dunno spell wore off, hold on for a second...Blundermonkey says he can convince Firebeard we are legit if we can get him up there. Says he can climb the wall no problem.  Hey, I think Blundermonkey understands Common, waddah ya know".

"Hmmm" said Ricmo. "What we need gents, is a cunning plan. I think we have all the pieces, now we just need to put them together".

"Fuck them. Kill them then fuck the corpses. Then kill them some more. Hate that Pelican" said Dirty Bird.

"Something more subtle I think" Ricmo replied. Discussions ensue. A plan is formed. A ludicrous one. The best kind. 

"Well one thing is certain, Skulk certainly won't have anticipated this particular course of action" said Ricmo in a satisfied tone. 

Later around sunset, the party retires to the rooftop patio of the Hightower Arms. Effortlessly, Marius vaults to the roof and crouches at the edge facing the mountains.

She carefully scans the sky. She tastes the wind. She goes very still and quiet, as if listening to something. 

"The fog will come tonight,  at sunset." she says. It will be heavy and last well into the morning. The wind will come, lighter at first, but by midnight it will be strong. This is a good night for dark deeds".

"Excellent. So the plan is on." said Dakhir. 

Whisperleaf frowned. His eyes were on Dirty Bird who was dancing around nervously. "Parrot seems anxious. Can't tell why, spells wore off".

"Let me talk to him, Druid, you need to save your strength." Marius hummed an ancient elven melody and then stared in the Parrot's eyes. "He is nervous. He fears the Pelican. He is brave and willing to take the risk for the Captain but he thinks the Pelican will catch him before he can reach safety. I am telling him not to fear, that I will watch and that I have his back if things go wrong".

The parrot looked relived, as much as a parrot can.

"Just remember" said Dakhir, "the wizard will know whatever happens to his familiar. We don't want to alert him unnecessarily". 

Marius nodded.

"All righty then gents me and Oz are on in five." said Freddy. "We will be loud and we will be fantastic and we will be as much of a diversion as we can be. I have heard" he said a trifle smugly "that yesterdays show generated a lot of chatter. I think we will be very well attended. At the very least we  will draw the off duty troops out of the castle, and hopefully many of the sailors as well. And then" an evil grin "the finale".

"Just not until Marius gives you the ok Fred" cautioned Ricmo. "We don't want to tip our hand. Remember wait for the fog to be thick".

Marius nodded, then she and Dirty Bird disappeared back up the roof.

All right, let's go" said Dakhir.

As the party separated the sun went down and the lights came to life all over Hightower Bay.

As Dakhir, Sturg, Lightbringer and Ricmo walked down High Street toward the fishermen's docks, Dakhir looked at Ricmo skeptically.

"What in the world is all over you? It reeks".

"Goosefat" said Ricmo happily. "Bought it off the butcher, Got a great deal".

"Gods it smells. Why? Is this some halfling good luck thing?".

"That water is cold as hells tits, Dakhir. I about froze last time. This should help. My necklace makes it so I don't have to breathe but it doesn't keep me warm. And halflings are always lucky".

"Good thinking" said Lightbringer. "I have a prayer that will also aid you, but the more protection the better."

They reach the docks, which were mostly deserted this time of night. They walked over to the longboat they had purchased earlier in the day and Sturg, Lightbringer and Dakhir started readying it. Ricmo rummaged around in the bags they had stowed in the longboat and removed the caltrops and chains that he had hidden there, strapped them on to his harness.

"Righto chaps I'm off to cause some mischief. Please be here when I get back, I doubt the Baron will be too fond of me after tonight".

"Good luck my friend" said Lightbringer seriously. "May Mithra's grace go with you".

"Luck is my middle name", quipped Ricmo as he walked down the docks  into the sea, the water closing over his head.

Meanwhile Blundermonkey and Whisperleaf stealthy made their way through the forest, as they quietly circled the castle in a wide arc.  The party had decided that, while the entire castle was well guarded the northern wall opposite the great gate was the best of bad choices. They glided through the woods as silent as only a Druid and a very serious monkey could be. Eventually they reached their staging point at the edge of the woods right outside the half mile wide strip around the walls the castle garrison kept clear of trees.

"I still think you should have left that gun behind" whispered Whisperleaf to Blundermonkey. If you have to use it, it will alert the whole castle."

"Oook" said Blundermonkey sullenly, brandishing his blunderbuss pistol. "Okaachachach BOOM".

"All right all right I get it, just be careful before you light that thing off. Looks like the fog is rolling in. A bit later then Marius had estimated though.

Meanwhile, after their first song, Freddy and Oz were starting off a little cold. "New audience" Freddy though to himself. "Not as sophisticated as the Valorian folks. Need to start them off slow."

Quickly Freddy huddled with Oz and the Band. "Think maybe some shantys boys, with a bit of a swing tempo though." The tall imp Freddy thought of as Elwood flicked his cigarette to the floor and ground it out with his cloven hoof. "Sure Fred, no problem".

Freddy didn't know where the imps came from. He didn't know their names. All he knew was they were bound to that microphone Red Alice had given him, they came when he called them and they were the best musicians he'd worked with. Plus they seemed to be able to play any instruments, conjured them out of thin air and best of all, they didn't need to be paid. So probably best to not ask too many questions.

"Righto Fred" said Ozraeline. "Good call".

Freddy took a deep breath "There once was a ship that went to sea, and the name of the ship was the Billy 'o Tea"....

Marius crouched on the inn roof edge eying the fog while she listened to Freddy's music coming from below. "Good spot" she thought to herself. "Clear field of fire, multiple escape routes." She could cover the whole town and half the castle from here.

Carefully she removed her great bow from it's leather case and strung it. The bow glistened with the frost from the ice elemental that lived inside it. She put her shooting  gloves on so the cold of the bow would not burn her hands. She inspected her arrows. She watched the fog careful. A few minutes went by. "It's time" she murmured to Dirty Bird. 

And the parrot flew.

From the other side of the castle, Whisperleaf saw a green and red streak clear the castle walls climbing skyward above the fog that was rolling in at ground level. "It's time" he said to Blundermonkey. First the spell of concealment, Whisperleaf chanted in the ancient tongue of the Druids and the shadows swirled around both him and the monkey. Then, Whisperleaf's form blurred and shifted, then shrunk as he took on the spider form. "Not a strong form" he thought. "Dangerously weak actually. But nothing better for stealth". Blundermonkey held very still as Whisperleaf-the-spider climbed him and nestled into the pouch on the monkey's bandoleer". 

And, as the fog rolled in, the monkey vanished into it, headed for the castle walls, and disappeared.

As the last light of the setting sun glinted off the parrots wings, Dakhir turned to the Sturg. "Here we go" he murmured. The Sturg, as usual, said nothing, but somehow his great form took on a heightened alertness. 

Ricmo did not see the parrot, as he was three fathoms down walking across the sea floor. "The goosefat helped no doubt but it is still cold as a witches tits" he thought to himself. Fortunately it wasn't long before he saw the twin hulls of the Baron's war fleet appear the water above his head. 

"Well you two bastards aren't going anywhere tonight" he grinned to himself evilly as he propelled himself upward to where their rudders were. "Lets see how much damage I can do here". Wedging himself into the side of the ship, he took out the caltrops and chains and went to work.

Dirty Bird gained altitude. He wasn't anywhere near as clever as the other animals, of this he was dimly aware. But he had them beat when it came to sheer bloody-mindedness. Dirty Bird was one of those personalities that naturally felt a deep and abiding hatred for the entire world and all of the inhabitants thereof. With a few notable exceptions, The Captain, Blundermonkey, Lieutenant Kitty and recently Marius the Ranger, he hated them all, deeply and personally. But there was nothing in this world that he hated more then that Pelican.

And there the little fucker was, perched right outside Captain Firebeard's cell. Keeping watch no doubt.

 

With an evil chuckle Dirty Bird began his attack run. 

From her perch below on the inn roof Marius could see it all perfectly.  Ever since Red Alice had blessed her eyes, her long range vision had become unbelievable. She saw the parrot plummet down on the unsuspecting pelican. She saw the moment when he released an entire day of pent up birdshit. She saw him pull up. She saw it hit. She smiled to herself. "Bullseye". The Pelican looked up, furious, saw Dirty Bird streaking away, shook the shit off and took to the air in pursuit. Marius' eyes saw some of Dirty Bird’s feces shake off the Pelican and land on Lady Hightower two stories below on the balcony where she was taking the air. She read Lady Hightower's lips as she turned to her husband and said "You really need to talk to that Quickcap about his filthy bird". And Marius smiled.

Meanwhile Blundermonkey hit the castle wall and went over it without even slowing down. He loved his Captain and nothing was going to prevent him from rescuing him. The fog was thick,  the Druid had wrapped him in shadows and best of all he was small. The wall guards didn't even see him go by.   He streaked across the courtyard and hit the side of the tower at a run, throwing himself up it like Ezio Auditore on speed. Nothing can climb like a monkey on a mission. Sixteen floors fell before him and he vaulted over the tower battlements. The Pelican was gone. Great! Now all he had to deal with was the single human guard who was walking the circle of the battlement.  As soon as the guard was clear, he rushed the arrowslit and carefully maneuvered himself to let the druid-spider dismount. Then he tossed the pill through the arrowslit wall ("don't forget the pill" he remembered Whisperleaf  insisting) and swung back over the battlements to hide. 

At the harbor Ricmo looked at his work, a satisfied expression on his face. "Good luck steering, you assholes" he thought to himself. He looked briefly at the third ship, the Longship docked by the seagate, but reluctantly let it go. "No real rudder on that one anyway, and they could still steer with the oars, better stick to the plan. I took out the two big boys at least". He headed back the way he had come.

"I am here to rescue you" Whisperleaf said as he stood up and brushed the dirt off his newly resumed human form.

"Ahh Skulk, so we gonna play this game of blodger againe are we" muttered Firebeard. "let me get out, let me get back ta ma ship, see how I activate her, didna work last time, boyo , won't work taday".

"I told told you" said Whisperleaf crossly. "I'm not Skulk". Captain Firebeard just looked dubious. "Can Skulk shapechange?" Captain Firebeard looked dubious. "Look I brought a character witness ok." Whisperleaf called out in monkey-speak.

After a moment, Blundermonkey wedged his face into the arrowslit. "OOOOK" he proclaimed happily.

Dirty Bird was in trouble. The Pelican was faster and at this height the fog still wasn't thick enough to hide him. He was diving quickly, hoping to reach the lower. thicker cover but he wasn't going to make it.

"The bird isn't going to make it" thought Marius. She stood up, stretched and picked up her bow, knocked an arrow, tested the wind. For a moment it occurred to her that she could let the parrot die and not alert the wizard. But only for a moment. Five hundred yards, a small moving target, in the fog and growing darkness. Almost an impossible shot.  Almost. The great bow of Frost thrummed. The arrow sped true. The Pelican fell.

From her perch Marius could barely see the signal fire at the top of Hightower bloom to life. After a few moments she saw an answering signal from the lighthouse five miles away. And from even farther way, out to sea where the fog had not yet reached, she saw the longship turn about and head back to toward the Bay. "Well that's torn it" said Marius to herself. "Time to get Freddy and Oz". She vaulted back down entered the inn and went down the stairs till she got to the agreed upon location and gave Freddy the signal.

Freddy was on a roll now. The shanties had loosened up the crowd enough that they became open to what he did best, and what Freddy did best was Swing. He had them, he could keep them here all night. He was having a blast and was almost disappointed when he saw Marius' signaling from the top of the stairs. Well, all good things...

"Avert thine eyes my muse" he quipped at Ozraeline and then he turned back to the crowd. "Let me really show ya something " he said as the illusions poured from his hands and voice and music, swirling around the middle of the room. The crowd sighed, transfixed by the riotous colors and sounds. "That should hold them for awhile" Freddy thought.  Freddy and Oz slipped out the back.

In his chambers directly above Firebeards prison cell, Quickcap looked up. "Something has happened" he said as he felt his familiar fall. It only took a moment for the wizard to connect the dots. "The prisoner!" he said. Wasting no time, he rushed down the stairs to the battlements, shouldered past the guard and threw open the door. Firebeards cage, still entirely intact, was empty.

"Yar, I am eight inches tall and strapped to a monkey, they call THIS a rescue" groused Firebeard under his breath as monkey, mini-pirate and spider careened down the side of the tower. Whisperleaf closed all hundred eyes as Blundermonkey took the tower WAAAAY too fast, descending in what was basically a controlled fall. A small part of his brain screeched "I am going to die". 

Finally at Castle Hightower’s gate, under the cover of the fog, even beyond Marius' vision, a little monkey barreled through the gate guards, leapt over the side of the wall, did a somersault midair, bounced off the raising drawbridge, careened over the moat and was gone. 

"Row faster Sturg" hissed Dakhir. The Sturg's faceless helm turned to look at him reproachfully as if to say "I am rowing as fast as I can, why don't you grab an oar".

From the prow of the longboat, Marius hummed to herself. "This fog is so thick I cannot make out the ship " she admitted glumly. "I admit I have lost the way". That was the first time any of them had ever heard Marius say the word “lost” unless as it applied to someone else.

"Well the fog seemed like such an asset, I guess we never thought how we were going to actually FIND the Lady Jezebel in it" quipped Ricmo. "Best laid plans and all".

"Arr she be out here" said the now full sized Firebeard, adjusting his uniform and weapons for the umpteenth time. "I can smell her. Skulk made sure he arranged my cage so I could see her everyday, just like he made sure I could see me things in the wardrobe next ta me. 'Join in' he would say, 'command, riches, position be yern, just tell us the secrets of the J'. I was gettin damned close to giving in I must admit it afore the monkey rescued me". The party turned to look at him. "He had help". Firebeard amended quickly.

“And no guards on the ship correct?” asked Ricmo.

“Nay they wouldna stay on account ah the ghosts” said Firebeard cheerfully.

“Well that’s comforting” said Ricmo.

Marius said "I'm sure I will find it eventually, I just need to run a pattern". 

"No time" hissed Dakhir. "One longship ahead and another behind us, we can't look for this thing all night....wait a minute, run a pattern, we just need to speed up the search". Infernal syllables fell from the Warlocks lips and suddenly Marius gulped in surprise as she levitated off the bow. 

"Find us that ship! FLY" cried Dakhir. 

With her newfound speed Marius tracked the ship down quickly and fortunately her Ranger senses even allowed her to find the longboat again. As the Lady Jezebel heaved into view the hero's wasted no time boarding her. Marius wasted no time climbing straight up the foremast and taking a position in the crows nest 

"Wait I have an idea" Ricmo said. "Lightbringer make the stern of that longboat light up!"

Radiant Lightbringer shrugged, a small prayer later the longbow was glowing like a torch.

"Cast the longboat adrift. maybe it will lead our pursuers away" explained Ricmo.

 

Dakhir turned to Firebeard. "We can't sail this with just us. Your ship’s cat assured us you had a crew". He stopped for a moment, undoubtable realizing exactly how that sounded.

"Oh yes laddy the Lady has many secrets" said Firebeard cheerfully. He removed a whistle from his jacket and blew shrilly on it and after a few moments sailors came pouring up the stairs. 

But strange sailors. They appeared to be made of...wood? The clothes and hair were just painted on. But they moved like men, not stiffly, like one would expect from a wooden construct, their painted wooden faces ran of gamut of expressions, some slapped Firebeard on the back obviously excited to see him, one bent down to pet Lieutenant Kitty.

Dakhir looked at Firebeard his face betraying his incredulousness.  Firebeard just laughed then turned to his crew. "All right you sea dogs, lets away! Weigh anchor, get some sails on her, step lively now we are pursued!"

The crew cheered then went to their business with obvious competence. 

"Well all things considered this all went remarkably well" said Ricmo. "Got away clean. I love it when a plan comes together".

Then the crew began to sing. Loudly. Very very loudly.

"Shit" said Ricmo.

And a few seconds later from out of the fog Quickcap flew into view with his air elemental. Flying fast...

“Shit” said Ricmo.

And that is when Dakhir threw the fireball.

to be continued...

Credit to Trystyn Raliegh Thornton (insta/Etsy @strawberryinku) for oringal artwork

Historical Notes

Baron Hightower and Hightower Bay are loosely inspired by Christian IV of Denmark and his use of the Sound Dues or Øresundstolden to finance  a powerful military, and an associated aggressive foreign policy far beyond what his small country could reasonably support.